Jesus Culture

The gloomy Sunday rolled over to a gloomy Monday, although, overall, the day was pretty nice- fall weather with some sunshine. I would like to remind myself that i'm currently battling with a disease that is at the moment winning. My faith is down, my attitude is all negative, my thoughts are all but optimistic. However, i'm working on it. My body needs to fight this somehow. I came home today and practically balled up in Mel's arms. He'd written me some words of encouragement on our mini dry erase board. When I read it I broke down. I've had so much bottled up inside that my eyes poofed in a matter of seconds. My heart was beating so fast and hard. My forehead felt so hot. I couldn't concentrate at work. I was slow. I didn't feel like doing anything. I had to put on a fake smile. I just wasn't myself. The prednisone i'm on has a lot to do with it, i'm almost sure. Depression is one of its side effects.  I was there, laying with him, my tears falling on his shirt, my eyeliner rubbing off on his shirt. Jesus Culture playing on the apple tv. I've been praying a lot lately (of course, we all tend to go to Him when we're in need) and reading bible verses. If me being sick has brought out some good is that my relationship with God is going to get stronger. I've fallen from His path but never completely.

This picture represents how i've been feeling lately. Not intended to be suicidal or anything like that. I took this picture with my iPhone on Saturday, Oct 12, while at Kings Dominion. When I saw it I completely related.

Soundtrack to this post:

Consumed by Jesus Culture, the entire album.