Barely Breathing

I found the Glee version of this classic that I like called Barely Breathing by Duncan Sheik. I was singing it on my way inside the house coming back from a dinner at Eggspectation. It sort of describes how i've felt today. Barely breathing. So much on my mind...going back the same thing. Jesus, I don't know what or how i would react if i had cancer. If what I have now is detrimental to me then i would literally want to disappear from the face of the earth if i had cancer. It sucks that I have to think of those people that are dying of cancer to make myself feel better. Sometimes, not even that helps. When you're in physical pain it's hard to think positive. It's hard to think that everything's "going to be ok." It's hard to think you're ever going to feel normal again. If i've learned anything from this is not to take your health for granted. I think i'm done being "healthy". At 24. Young as can be and i'm struggling. I don't even have kids yet. It's going to be make THAT process even harder for me. I should've never waited. That really hurts. Mel's spent almost 9 years making me happy and the ONE THING that I can give in return to make his life complete I can't (at the moment) give to him as easily as when I didn't have this. COME ON FAITH! where are you!?

Yesterday was Odaimi's quince. It was really nice. I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in years. It's nice but at the same time overwhelming. It can get pretty awkward. I'm a shy person so most of the time I just smile and mumble "hey" under my breath. I was really happy to see my girl Meli and even sat down to chat. I wanted to tell her everything I've been going through these past 6 months but it just wasn't the right time or the right place. I think it would kind of be a relief telling someone else about it other than Mel but then again i don't want people feeling sorry for me.